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January 17, 2013

今も終わらない。むしろ後悔の念は大きく。

僕もあの日に神戸にいた一人として。やはり安易に『1.17』と聞いてしまうと、あの倒壊した建物の埃と汗の混じった様な、独特の臭いが鼻腔に瞬時に甦る。

一言で表現すると、今も辛い。

寮の目の前で倒壊した建物から、屋根を引っぺがし、必死に引っ張り出したお爺さんは無事だった。でも隣に寝ていたというお婆さんの手は既に冷たかった。助け始めた時には声がしていたのに。僕らの足下で命が消えた。生と死を強く感じた。

子供が出てこない、と呆然と立ち尽くす父親をどけて、倒壊した家にも飛び込んだ。最初にそれはウィンナーの様に見えた。その子の手は何かを掴む様に強張ったまま固まっていた。

亡くなった人を数でカウントする事に猛烈な嫌気がさしたのはあの日からだ。忘れられる訳がない。責任を感じる必要が無いのは分かってる。でも、もっと頑張れたんじゃないか。って思いは今も拭えない。むしろ、今だから一層拭えない。

分からない人が軽く冗談にしてしまうのは仕方ない。そんな人間もいて社会だから。でも、やっぱり傷つく。これも人間だから。

末筆ながら、あの日に亡くなった沢山の方々のご冥福を心からお祈り申し上げます。

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